This is a question, I…..we all, have most likely asked at some point in our lives. I have learned, that God has no problem with our asking Him that question. “WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I JOINED MYSELF TO THE MOST EVIL DEN OF SNAKES ON THIS PLANET…..WHERE WERE YOU WHEN MY SON’S HEART SUDDENLY STOPPED BEATING, AND IN AN INSTANT, HE WAS GONE……..WHERE WERE YOU……….on and on and on. During those times, it may seem as tho, He is off tending to other matters of more importance. Or possibly He is not the loving God we thought Him to be. Or in my case….I have done too much….gone too far……proven myself unworthy of His love, and everyone else, who knows what I’ve done.
Well……I can tell you this…..I know where He was…for me, and for you as well. He was not even a breath away. He was holding us in His arms, and grieving with us as our heart was breaking. He was at our side, before, during, and after our heartaches, and heart breaks. He didn’t hear my accusations hurled at Him in a moment of grief and anguish, I never felt could be possible! His lips were to my ear, saying, I am here….let Me comfort you…..feel My strength……stay in My arms…..I will heal you. Not only me, but all of us. Do we understand His ways? Absolutely not! His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
I am experiencing many changes in my heart and spirit of late. I have gone through all of my blog posts…..and deleted many. During my first couple of years of having been released, by God, from a cult….a prison that confined me….and many others…..within walls of lies…deceit…..sexual perversion, and so much more…..I was ANGRY. I re-read many of my writings……and was ashamed. I spoke against ALL organized religious groups. I verbally disrespected ALL ministers….Wanted NO PART of anything remotely associated with something that resembled…..”A man telling me what to do”.
Everyone…..all of you were kind, patient, and forgiving. I have learned, that we ALL have purpose, and are integral in the plans of our Father. I have also learned….that in time…..if we trust Him, even when nothing makes sense…….we will see the generous heart of our Father, and He will lay precious gifts in our hands. He has done that for me. The scriptures say that “Jesus is a friend that sticketh closer that a brother”. I have watched, and experienced that same description in human form….and am eternally thankful and grateful.
We question Him…..that’s ok……we doubt Him….that’s ok…….we accuse Him……that’s ok. But when all the dust settles, and everything that was precious seems to have vanished…..He will still be standing beside you. Holding you, loving you, healing you.
Maybe someone needs to hear this….I’m not sure. I have been taking inventory of my own heart of late, and find myself….so much more on the receiving end of His precious gifts than the giving end. I want that to change. He is worthy of our very last ounce of strength and effort……We will NEVER out give Him. But He is so worthy of our trying to even come close. And, most importantly…….know this. You have NEVER……will NEVER do something so bad….that God has to turn away from you. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have a prayer of a chance to experience His love….. I love you all…….thank you for following my rocky journey. And thank you for sticking!